Frequently Asked Questions and resources

Attending a MIAM is a legal requirement and must be done before an application can be made to the court. This is because the court expects you to try to resolve matters outside of court. 

A MIAM is a great opportunity to find out more about how mediation can support you,  you can explore the benefits of mediation with a mediator and discuss if mediation is the right option. 

You may be exempt from mediation if you have experienced Domestic Abuse and this can be discussed in your MIAM.

 You will have a confidential 1-1 appointment with the mediator. You will be able to discuss your situation and what you would like to achieve in mediation. You can also share and discuss any concerns you may have. The mediator will explain how mediation works, what their role is and what to expect. You will also discuss if there is any reason why mediation is not suitable and if it is agreed not to be suitable then other options to help you will be discussed.  

Mediation is voluntary, therefore we cannot force anyone to attend mediation. However, we will always attempt to contact your ex-partner/family member to discuss the mediation process if appropriate. We always encourage a MIAM as that is the best way to get the necessary information to make an informed decision. 

Ultimately if they refuse to be involved we cannot mediate, however, the court has a view that everyone should seek ways to resolve matters outside of court. The court may decide to pause proceedings in court and ask that you both return to mediation. 

The rule is children 8 years and above should have a say in decisions being made about them. Child-inclusive mediation gives children a voice and an opportunity to share their wishes and feelings. This helps parents when they are making decisions about plans for their children. 

By including children in mediation, parents can work together to ensure their children’s feelings are acknowledged, and their wishes are considered in the decision-making process.

Benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation:

• It provides a safe space for children to express their thoughts and feelings, helping them feel heard and understood without fear of judgment.
• Families can explore arrangements and try out different ideas that work for everyone, without being restricted by court orders.
• Participation is voluntary—children are involved only with both parents' consent.
• It can help parents improve communication, avoiding the need for children to act as messengers between them, reducing their involvement in parental conflicts.
• The process is confidential.
• Promotes understanding- It encourages parents to better understand their children's perspectives. fostering more child-centred decisions.

How It Works: The mediator will discuss how your children can contribute, and if both parents agree, they will arrange a meeting with the children, typically in a neutral and comfortable place, like their school. During the meeting, the mediator will ask open, age-appropriate questions to understand your children’s thoughts on topics such as:

• How they feel about their current living arrangements and if they’d like any changes.
• Their feelings about the time spent with each parent.
• The important people in their lives and anyone they feel close to.
• Any concerns they may have.

The success of Child Inclusive Mediation depends on the parents' commitment to prioritizing their children’s best interests.

• Children are not asked to make decisions.
• Parental authority is maintained.
• Both parents must agree for children to participate.
• Children decide what they want to share with their parents

You are legally required to attend a MIAM before making an application to court because you need to show the court that you have tried to resolve things outside of court. Having a MIAM just for the court form is not acceptable unless you are exempt from Mediation. The rules changed on the 29th of April 2024 and the court now strongly expects you to try Non-Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR). 

A child arrangement order is a legal document that outlines all the arrangements that are in place for your children. This can include everything that has been agreed in how your children will spend time with both their parents. There are a couple of ways to get a Child Arrangement Order. 

1. Agree on the arrangements with your ex-partner and ask the court to consent to those agreements - in mediation, we can document all arrangements for you. 

2. If you are unable to agree you will need to make an application to the court and the court will decide and issue a consent order. You will need a C100 form from mediation to make this application unless you are exempt from mediation.

Some points to remember: 

• Any agreement concerning how children spend time with both parents will change because your children will change. Being able to be flexible alongside some structure is important. 
• Working co-operatively as parents supports "best" communication and allows you to work together.
• The judge does not know your children and may make decisions that may not work for you or your family.

If you are married and intend to get a Divorce you need a Financial consent order, which is separate from your divorce application. Without one you are still 'financially married'. I use those words deliberately as this is extremely important. A Financial Consent Order legally confirms how you have agreed to separate your marital assets and sever your financial relationship. To do this you will share all your financial information to support discussions in mediation. You need to demonstrate to the court that you have shared your assets in a fair and considered way to ensure that you can move forward independently. This will be discussed in detail in your MIAM.

Money and property when you divorce or separate: If you agree - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)  

Firstly, when a relationship breaks down communication often becomes very difficult. You will be dealing with the emotional challenges and the changes. Navigating how to parent now that you have separated can take time and is a process. We know that when parents can work together and continue to be fully involved in their children's lives then children will adapt to this change and transition. Communication is key and spending time to discuss how you will communicate is critical to your parental relationship and how your children experience your separation. 

Some resources to look at: 

List of Programmes for Separated Parents

Co-Parent Way – one to one coaching or an online self-guided resource

Co-parenting support and coaching | The Co-Parent Way (thecoparentway.com)

First Aid First Steps for Parents – 2 hour workshop, either in person or online. 

https://eledaconsultancy.com/workshops/first-aid-first-steps-for-parents-workshop/

Kids Come First – One to one personalised workshops, online or in person

Kids Come First® – Separated Parent Support & Teaching Workshops (kidscomefirstuk.co.uk) 

New Ways for Families – self-guided online course

Shared Parenting Scotland (An online resource introduced in Scotland, now run across UK)

Only Mums Only Dads – What about Aruna? This is a series of 4 short film clips by a clinical psychologist for parents to watch, to help them understand their child’s needs. Not specifically a workshop or interactive, but a useful resource to watch. What About Aruna? - OnlyDads

Parenting After Parting – a 3-module online course which includes an hour of bespoke coaching with Elaine Halligan of The Parent Practice. Parenting After Parting | The Parent Practice

Parents Plus (based in Ireland but also running in UK) – a 6 week online course, each session is 2 hours.  Parenting When Separated - Parentline - Helpline for Parents.

Restored Lives  - run both online and in person in various locations. A 6 session course run in the evenings which addresses a range of issues arising out of separation, not limited to, but including, cooperative parenting. Homepage supporting people through separation and divorce support (restoredlives.org) 

Spurgeons Parenting after Separation course – online self-guided course, free of charge 

https://spurgeons.org/resources-and-courses/courses/parenting-after-separation/

Triple P Transitions  - run as a self-guided online resource. Online programme for separating or divorcing parents – create stability | Triple P (triplep-parenting.uk.net) Parents purchase an access code for £85.20. It’s also run as an in-person workshop, one-to-one, at various venues around UK.

www.cafcass.gov.uk  offers support and advice for separated parents 

Under marital law, all assets are marital assets including pensions. Pensions need to be considered along with all other assets.  You will be asked to obtain a Cash Equivalent Transfer Value (CETV) so that we can fully understand the value of your pension. Mediators do not give Pension advice. 

You can look at the  A Guide to the Treatment of Pensions on Divorce

Some helpful resources 

www.moneyhelper.org.uk

www.gov.uk/moneyhelper

www.nationalpensionsadvisors.co.uk

 Get a divorce: step by step - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)  This website is really helpful and clear. 

Application for Divorce can be done online either as a sole applicant or a joint application. 

You cannot get a Financial Consent Order with a Divorce.

The Family Court System is overwhelmed and unable to keep up with the number of applications being made.  To ease the backlog, significant changes were introduced on 29th April 2024 to shift towards mediation and other forms of Non-Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR). 

These changes continue a shift towards making mediation and other forms of NCDR more prominent and effective.

Now when making an application to court regarding child proceedings and contested financial remedy proceedings you will be required to file and serve a new form FM5 (statement of position on non-court dispute resolution) setting out your views on engaging with non-court dispute resolution (except in cases where domestic abuse is an issue). This form will have to be filed and served before the first “on notice” hearing, and, if the court thinks appropriate, before any subsequent hearing in the proceedings.

It is important to note that simply attending a MIAM will no longer be sufficient for a court application. Parties must set out their position to the Court, indicating why NCDR isn’t an appropriate method to resolve the dispute or — in the alternative — why NCDR hasn’t been successful in resolving the dispute.